Flo, from Progressive Insurance

If I ever have a Wikipedia entry created about me, may it be emblazoned with as accurate and telling words as those that describe my gentle love, Flo. "Flo is recognized by her extremely enthusiastic persona, heavy Rockabilly-style makeup, and retro hairstyle." Truer words may have never been written by some dude that creates internet encyclopedia entries for advertising characters.

Who is that guy, by the way? Somebody should buy that dude a brewski for doin' what it do.

Regardless, I present infallible proof that everything about Flo is good:

Did you feel that? I bet you did, friend-o. I'd put money on the fact that right around the 16 second mark, you became afflicted with a condition scientists have termed giggly boner. It's safe, friend. Flo hands out giggly boners like, in addition to presenting me with competitive pricing options and a pleasant figure, it is her job.

I'd check her out anytime. I'd let her offer me savings and scan pricing codes with a handheld scanner delicately affixed to her wrist with a cloth tether that ever-so-slightly bothers the tiny red hairs on her soft, pale arm that leads up proudly to a snug, white linen sleeve and apron fighting against all it knows right and covering the "FLO" name tag tattoo on her left breast whenever she wanted, if you catch my drift.

I have quickly realized that of the two previously discussed people whom I want to bone, the number of them that are not soulless, ginger-headed women is equal to zero. Let us hope some variety filters in, soon. Otherwise we'll be headed down Laura Prepon Avenue pretty fast.

By the way, you have to go down Jayma Mays Boulevard and turn right at Isla Fisher Lane to get there.

P.S. You've gone too far if you reach Agnes Moorehead Road.

P.P.S. lol @ more head, right:?