Lisa Loeb

I'm a Loeb Trotter - what can I say? When Lisa burst onto the scene like a bespectacled angel, everything changed. By everything, I of course mean one thing. That one thing: thick-rimmed librarian glasses.

Now, Lisa Loeb did not invent glasses (that was Arthur J. Lenscrafter IV), but she did inspire an entire generation of impressionable, dark-eyed, dark-haired ladies to rock the shit out of thick frames. If there's any one thing that science has given us since the discovery of Newton's 2nd Law, it's the stiffersons formula. Let's take a look at that, now:

Shut up, that's not anything you've ever seen before and does not mean anything other than what you're reading, right now.

x - represents stifferson value, obviously.
a - corresponds to the thickness of eyeglass frames.
b - hotness factor
c - size of "that ass"

The stifferson value on Lisa Loeb - when factored correctly - is "pretty fuckin' up there, man." What really gives Loeb the edge over other eyball protection connoisseurs is the fact that she created an entire fashion line of these frames to sell to the girls I have intercourse on. That's a relatively significant multiplier.

It's like 4.

Also, did you know that Lisa Loeb has like 8 studio albums and a few compliations/hits records? Yeah. She does. And no, not all of them are entitled Stay (I Miss You).

They should be, though.